Advice for a New Mother

This week’s Weekly Challenge is about offering advice or a bit of knowledge to somebody.

The piece below was my very first blog post and is near and dear to my heart because it was my  first bit of writing coming out of a sleep-deprived haze when my son was 6 months old.

If a first time mom were to ask for one bit of general advice for motherhood, this is what I would say:

When I was pregnant with my first child, the first advice I received was “Don’t lose

Courtesy of Lindsey Friar Photos

Courtesy of Lindsey Friar Photos

yourself in motherhood”.  Almost six years later and a second child,  I realize that I am so completely lost in motherhood that I may not ever find my way back.

In that very complicated place of motherhood, I have found the best, most supportive, honest and true friends I have ever had in my life. These women are of all ages, all backgrounds and while we may have different tastes in music, clothing, movies, etc. (all the superficial things), we have something deeply in common in our love for our children which encompasses so much.

I have found an honest, loving, trusting, committed partnership with my husband strengthened solid, I believe, because we have children. Our love for our children gave us such an intense common goal, that we moved mountains to see each other eye to eye and in the end, realized even more how much we were meant for one another.

I have found a new understanding and appreciation for my mother. Words cannot express the gratitude and respect I feel for her. The relationship we have as mother to mother is more than I could have hoped for and would not exist if not for my children.

The love a mother can feel for her child is indescribable. Having found that love is all at once overwhelming, fulfilling, terrifying, and humbling. After the birth of my daughter, in those intense hormonal days post birth, I could only describe my love for her as painful. I love my children so much that it hurts sometimes.  The joy, fun, and laughter that I see in their faces are more fun than any night out I have ever had.  And even though the challenging days are a million times harder than any rough morning after the fun night, I have learned that even when I can’t take it anymore….I can. This realization teaches me that I am a stronger than I ever thought.

Most importantly, I think I understand myself more than I ever have, because of my children. My time is limited and therefore, so very important that I have truly honed down what is important, where my priorities lie and how I want to spend that precious time. I have examined how I want my children to view me which only leads to how I want to view myself and how to achieve that. Sometimes our children motivate us to change more than we motivate ourselves.  The way we parent and our “style”, I believe, in many ways come to define us. I have learned more about myself and the good, the bad and the ugly from becoming a mother. While I don’t always like what I find, I do feel more whole having found it.

The next time I am talking to a woman pregnant with her first child, if she asks for a piece of advice, I will likely tell her “Lose yourself in motherhood…. you may just truly find yourself”.  I did.

33 thoughts on “Advice for a New Mother

  1. I resonate with what you describe, I have learned so much about ‘me’ since becoming a mother to a beautiful and compassionate daughter. I am blessed to have her in my life and I too have such joyous respect and love for my own mother (mum) who is my friend. I love this piece, it holds much truth and genuine honesty, a pleasure to read, thank you.

  2. I did lose myself in being Mr. T’s mom, but I loved it! I loved being his mom and the love and strength that came from it! And, now that he is older, I’m loving rediscovering who I am! It was a journey that started a few years ago and I’ve really loved that too!

  3. This is beautiful and rings true on so many levels 🙂 I was given that advice before I had kids, but I too have gotten lost in motherhood and I love it. I feel like it brings out the fullest version of myself to be a mother 🙂 All that love I hadn’t felt before being a mother…it’s crazy. Anyways, great post as usual, I’m so glad I found your blog!

  4. This is such a lovely, thoughtful post! What a great response to the weekly prompt. Motherhood is such an amazing experience and you’ve summed it up beautifully. 🙂

  5. I am not a mom, obviously. But I think I found a new and refined self as I drilled down into being a Dad. Sure the transition was a bit rough it was hard figuring out what time to ‘myself’ I had left but now that I am almost 5 years in I feel like I have gotten there.

    Good post!

  6. Aaw! This is beautiful Kerry! What a first entry to a blog. To lose ourselves in this motherhood gig is definitely shaping us into becoming a better person. Granted there will be meltdowns but everything else can melt that away.

  7. This is so sweet, and so true. You can’t really lose yourself, if you find something new. You are an all new you. I’m so happy that you are doing what you love. Hugs, Brenda

  8. Pingback: Happiness is not matter, create it ex nihilo | dark circles, etc

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