My sweet girl, the one who made me a mommy, is 6 years old today. Looking back on these letters I wrote to her, one while she was in my belly and the other when she was a baby, I realize that while I try hard to fulfill the many promises I made when I became a mom, I know that the truth is, I fall short some, if not many, days.
As my daughter changes and matures minute to minute, I struggle with the promises I made to always respect, support and listen fully. I am never rude or disrespectful to her but at times when life is busy, I don’t fully listen, especially when it seems she hardly takes a breath in between words. I admit that her “6 going on 16”-ness makes me crazy sometimes and I clench up with every argument she gives me, which honestly, is quite often. She is testing boundaries and will push my buttons for three days straight and then be the most loving, sweet, and calm girl in the world for the next week until the argumentative one comes back. We tease her that that girl is the imposter and we are waiting for our sweet girl to come back.
My husband recently brought home a cd/radio from work that he wasn’t using and gave it to my daughter for her room. She doesn’t have any of her own music and the only pop song she knows is One Direction’ “What Makes You Beautiful” which we listen to quite often, even her Build-a-Bear has the song inside of it so she can squeeze its hand any time to hear it. Since she doesn’t have her own music, my husband has introduced her to The Beatles in hopes of turning her into a Beatle-maniac like him. So far, it is working.
I feel like I am in some crazy time warp raising a teenager in the 60’s. She flies around the house, argues with me about clothing and then goes in her room and blares “Hard Day’s Night” until I walk into her room (or yell through the microphone on the monitor that she still has and her dad plans to keep until she’s 18) to “turn it down!”. Or I walk in and turn it down myself and then the minute I walk out she turns it back up. Seriously? You’re 6, child! She does have good taste in tunes though and knows what she likes. I tried to put in my favorite Beatles album, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band but she shook her head and asked for the album with all the black and white boy faces…Hard Day’s Night. Then she belted out along with them.
No matter what, my argumentative, defiant, non-stop talking, excitable, 16 acting, loud music playing little girl is still the light of my life. When she is not all of those above mentioned disagreeable things, she is precocious, tender-hearted, thoughtful, gentle, curious, funny, magnetic, gorgeous and imaginative. She keeps me on my toes and reminds me, since she began to get a mind of her own, that I cannot mold my children into anything other than who they are; that their souls are special and unique and meant to be here for all the special qualities they give to me and to the world. And that is a beautiful thing.
While I may not always live up to all of the expectations I have of myself , I notice that these letters written to my daughter years ago are also in some ways written to myself reminding me of my intentions as a mother.
Happy Birthday sweet girl, the world is your oyster!