I recently had the best argument with my husband.
Okay, so that isn’t something I ever imagined I would say. But it was really lovely and I went to bed happy and amused.
We were discussing some home renovation plans, money and budgets…not a recipe for an easy or fun conversation. It turned into a money argument,. Anyone see that coming? The one where we disagree about the amount we should spend, how we should spend it, what we should save, and will we end up working at Wal-mart when we retire? It got heated as most arguments do, especially between us.We have a history, you see, of being strong-willed, bull-headed and generally, each needing to be right in arguments. In our early history, we would quickly get heated the moment we disagreed, throw out some “always” and “nevers”, dive into past arguments, get completely off track and go to bed pissed. Then it may linger for a day or two until someone relented and apologized or we just swept it under the rug.
All that sweeping led us straight into marital therapy, once after making it through our first child’s first year of life and the second time after our son’s. We learned so much from each term of therapy and have finally, finally learned from our mistakes. And our marriage is a million times stronger because of it. We have been married ten years this coming May and have walked a rocky path but finally have learned how to deal with eachother.
In this recent argument, no daggers were thrown and we pulled ourselves back on track when we started to veer into the “you always/nevers” or condescension trap. This is big news. The funny thing is that we are very similar and actually agree on most things but what we don’t agree on, we REALLY don’t agree on.
So, after about twenty minutes of banter over money, we came to some vague conclusions and I asked for a break from the conversation to relax before bed. He politely obliged and we went about our business. Then right before bed, I went to give him a hug and a kiss and said, “Nice sparring with you tonight, how about some action next time instead? (winking at him) I love you, goodnight”
And I meant it. No marriage can healthfully exist without the occasional argument, it is how we argue that defines the kind of marriage we have. An argument can be a fine way to release tensions and air out disagreements. Arguments can be healthy. And while I don’t enjoy arguing, it was a nice spar because that is all it was, sparring but without drawing any blood. I went to bed so thankful to have made it to this point in my marriage. The point where we expect to argue, my romantic idea of constant marital bliss is normalized and we argue in a healthy way…most of the time. And as Brittany Bullen said in the comments of her recent guest post, “it is what we do MOST of the time that matters.”
Do you have any stories of healthy or funny relationship fighting?