The sun slowly rises and the quiet of the night slowly gives way to morning chatter. It is like the world has rested in savasana over the last eight hours and slowly begins to wiggles its fingers and toes. Thoughts rise again to the surface and the busy-ness of life returns. Seconds tick to minutes, to hours, days and months. Life events occur, both big and small, but the world keeps spinning and life goes on.
It has been over a month since we lost our home to the flood and it amazes me how fast it has gone. An event that changed the course of our lives forever, a karmic shift, came and went and the sun still rises as it always did. Our days fill with chaos and stress, love and laughter, to do lists and getting things done yet there is an overlay of stillness always present.
I have not once wondered why this event happened to me. That would be incredibly selfish for one, to think that a natural disaster was somehow meant for me alone but also cruel to think that bad things happen to people for a wrong deed done. I am sure I have lifetimes ahead to learn lessons lost on me, but this was just an event, just another thing that happened in those ticking seconds and minutes.
One of my favorite yoga teachers joked this weekend in class about making mistakes, lessons learned and the cliché’ of “everything happens for a reason”. Must there always be a lesson? Is there always a reason? I think not. I think we tell ourselves those things to get through our days to make sense of things we cannot understand. I do feel that I have grown in my heart and mind since the flood but I do not think the flood happened to teach me lessons. There are changes being made in my life as a result of the flood, things I did and ways I lived before that I choose not to do again. I was given a clean slate and I choose not to start over doing things in the same way, not because I think I am being taught this but because it makes sense for me.
I was at the beach this past weekend with friends enjoying the beautiful weather. As I was chatting and sipping a beer out of nowhere a seagull plopped his load right on my chest, square in the middle of my heart center. I think he was aiming and high-fived his seagull buddies after. My first thought was, “seriously?….seriously?? Have I not endured enough?” Then I realized that I am on the beach with lots of seagulls and they poop, it happens. Of course, friends filled me up with encouragement that it was good luck. I have said this before too. I remember when my friend got pooped on three times over the course of about five hours at the Vatican. We told her she had extra good luck as she was on the verge of tears by the third time.
Sometimes we just get shit on. Right? That is just the way it goes. And we can either laugh about it, move on or choose a different way. I laughed, got a little grossed out and moved on and shortly after, the overlay gave me a thumbs up in the form of a rainbow smile. All is well.
We can hold onto the things we lose and grieve those losses our whole lives if we so choose. That is always an option. I have mourned my losses, had moments of deep sadness but once the moment passes, I move forward knowing that I will be okay no matter what. The four walls I have sobbed over are just walls, they hold nothing of me. There will be many more walls that contain me in my life and many more objects that I possess but it is the overlay of stillness that will keep me and the world will keep spinning.