I realize now the folly in some of my old ways; attachment to things that held no permanence. I used to labor over what paint color to put on a wall, going back to Lowes for samples 25% lighter, no, maybe 10% lighter. I would worry about choices I made in furniture and decor.
Then, things changed in a big way on April 30, 2014. It was a liberating experience in more ways than we initially could have imagined. We were given a chance to start over. We lost our stuff but there was another loss that creeped up later liberating me further, the loss of want. I found that going to Target, once a coveted experience, no longer satisfied me. Everything looked frivolous and meaningless; it was all just things that did not bring any real happiness and ultimately would wither away. I no longer got the rush from getting stuff. And it felt great, so very freeing.
While we were living with my mom, we furniture shopped to fill our new home. What many would find to be an incredibly daunting experience was actually simple because I just didn’t care anymore. That may sound sad but again, it was liberating! To see items strictly for their use felt good. I found a store that gave discounts to flood victims, so we outfitted our home from them. We walked in and I basically pointed at a showroom set and said, “We’ll take that”…easy peasy!
These new feelings of detachment could not have been timelier as I embark on my yoga teacher training in the next few weeks. As I read books on the reading list, learning about the beautiful yoga philosophy, I understand the concepts in a richer way than I think I could have before. I see impermanence in a whole different way. Yet at the same time, I see the connection in everything.
Our new home is a split level and I have an elderly, ailing dog. She can’t walk and she needs to be carried up and down the stairs; she needs to be lifted and helped outside. Helping her requires a lot of bending and lifting and she weighs over 50 pounds. After all of the moving, situating and tending to my senior dog, it should have come as no surprise that I injured myself. My lower back, which I have had on and off pain since childbirth, began hurting. At first it was tender, then sore until finally, it was almost debilitating pain. Yoga wasn’t helping and I had to take time away which was something I had been avoiding. Massage helped temporarily but it was clear that something was out of balance. My massage therapist is wonderful but her massages are not exactly enjoyable, in fact I liken them to an hour of torture but they help and she knows what she is doing. She recommended I see a chiropractor.
Chiropractic medicine is new to me; I did not know the details of what went on in a chiropractor’s office having never been before. It was amazing! I left feeling so good, wishing I had gone sooner in my life, particularly during pregnancy, and believed chiropractic medicine is nothing short of magic. I was fascinated with the fact that we can see the history of our lives in our spine. The spot on my spine where I would lean over to gaze at my nursing babies showed the strain, the whiplash I had in a car accident as a teenager was there, and the damage I had done to my lower back was visible in the x-rays.
After the first adjustment, I felt wonderful and renewed. Then three days later I got two more adjustments and felt terrible. I was discouraged and frustrated. I kept trying to do yoga but knew I needed to take a break to heal and that frustrated me further…my humanness. My forward folds felt very limiting and unsatisfying. The next day, my body felt immediately better so I did yoga and it felt great, no more limitations holding me back. However, in my eagerness to get back to my practice, I went into headstand and fell right over. I have had a pretty steady inversions practice for a while so I was confused and again frustrated as to what was going on. Then it clicked, my spine was now getting into alignment. So, I had been balanced in misalignment all this time and now it is time to relearn my balance. I suppose it is better to be imbalanced in alignment than balanced in misalignment.
That is where I am these days, getting things straightened out and finding my balance once again.
Looking ahead, I am excited and invigorated by a new path, yoga teacher training. But my excitement encompasses so much more than becoming a yoga teacher. It is a chance to focus on the health of my body, mind and soul. In doing so, I am also making changes in my diet. In preparation of what is to come, I am cleansing my body by weaning off of refined sugars, eating less meat and more fruits and vegetables, and drinking more water.
It is funny how when we put out a specific energy, the universe responds in sometimes funny ways. My friend who will also lead my teacher training had her birthday the day before mine last week and offered a free team-led yoga class followed by a raw foods potluck. In support of her, I made a raw brownie recipe. It was delicious! It was absolutely mind boggling to me that a raw brownie could taste so fudgy and satisfying. After a powerful yoga class, we all stepped outside and set up our raw foods. The spread was incredible. I could not have imagined such delicious foods could be raw. It was so much more than just carrots and celery sticks, there was zucchini pasta with herbs and vegetables and delicious dressings, eggless egg salad, nuts and granola, fruits and of course, my brownies. Leaving the potluck, I felt inspired and motivated to try raw foods.
If you remember from this post, I tend to get excited by new interests and will dive head first into a new project, usually only to burn out later. Thankfully, yoga has been the one thing that has truly stuck deep into the core of my being. Raw foods, well, that is to be determined how long the fascination will last. But for now, I would like to take you on my raw foods journey since I am very much a beginner and had been very skeptical of the diet until last week. I want to share with you the recipes I am trying and how I am incorporating them into my life and my family. (Please stay tuned for those posts.:) ) I will not embrace a raw foods diet completely, but mainly for breakfast and lunch and then a more clean eating diet for dinner so that my husband won’t leave me! 🙂
From the flood, to a new home, to a chiropractor teaching me my history in my spine, to eating better and the timeliness of a new craze in my life, I see every day how connected we are to the universe, to eachother, and within our own bodies. The flood, however difficult, made me feel more connected to something beyond my self than anything ever before, the support in the aftermath brought such a connection to those around me, and then within, I found how everything I did or felt affected every other cell in my body. And within all of these connections, there is a strong link between our past, our present and our future. The health of our bodies determines the health of our mind and ultimately the strength of our light shining through to the world. I’m learning that there are very little coincidences, only answers continually being presented to us when we are awake, balanced, and connected enough to listen.