I just graduated with my life coaching certification. Throughout the process I found my voice and learned to stand in my truth and it was a sometimes difficult but powerful experience. This piece was a part of my journey.
It is like a dream. She is standing in a place of nothing yet it is everything. It is like a platform with infinite possibility. There is nothing around her. It is white space. She is standing on solid ground, but it is not of this earth. There is no sky, there are no trees, there is never-ending nothingness all around her. It is a clean template for limitless creation.
She slowly, ever so slowly, makes a slow turn almost all the way around. Her whole life has been this slow spin on her own axis, turning. She has made an almost complete turn and as she turns her gaze out of the corner of her eye, she sees. It is the brightest light, it has a vague form of a body. It is smiling though she cannot see its face. It knows her. She knows it. The light is almost too bright to look at but she can absorb it, it is soothing to her and warms her entire being. Yet she cannot seem to turn all the way around, one foot feels stuck. She wonders to herself why she cannot move when she is so completely drawn to this powerful and beautiful being in front of her. She is in such awe that she is mistaking it for fear but she does not know why. The why has always tripped her up. The understanding always had to take place before action yet there is so much we cannot understand. She always played it safe. She is cautious. She waits and sees. She does the right thing, she thinks it through, she weighs out the pros and cons, she does a cost/benefit analysis, she looks at the numbers, she makes a list, she plans, she sorts, she cleans, she organizes….before she can take a step. Her whole life and her whole rotation has been slow and safe even though the rotations are always what have given her more protection.
Why can she not seem to make this final turn when now she sees all that was waiting for her the whole time, patiently waiting for her to see? The light burns brighter with excitement of this knowing, the timing that has been known in all the realms for so long. Yet here she is stuck. This being softly smiles and laughs in a way that a mother smiles at her child stumbling in their first steps, full of love, acceptance and anticipation. The mother knows the child will learn to walk in the next step or two and she enjoys watching the process of learning and growth. It is so close and the process is beautiful. The child never gives up, the child cannot give up, it is not an option. There is a deep knowing in each of us driving us toward something we don’t fully understand. What does it take for the child to fall down and take another step? It takes getting back up.
She has her head turned ever so slightly and she is almost reaching for this being. She feels that comforting warmth and she is not afraid. She realizes that this being is her shelter and that anything or anyone who threatens her cannot get past this being. She realizes this being knows her more than anyone in the entire universe. This being represents all that she wants and knows how to achieve it. This being is creative and full of possibility. This being is love and has so much to offer. This is who she wants to be. She makes that last big, yet small, turn that years before had been minuscule movements and in an instant, she is glowing, she is smiling, she is in full knowing. She is safe, she is complete, she is whole and full. She realizes, this is not who she wants to be. This is who she is. This is me.